All these years
I thought ‘barren’
meant of the womb —
but now my body
has threatened me
with menopause
and I realize it
means of the heart.
—Terri Guillemets
grief
End of life
no matter which end-of-life decisions were made,
there are always regrets, there is always that guilt —
live parts of me holding onto memories of a dying you
dead parts of me holding onto living memories of you
—Terri Guillemets
Do I write grief or is it writing me?
I write all these death poems, these grief poems —
and does it really make me feel better? Or am I just
twisting my heart so that I can feel, to remember?
Because I’m afraid that if I don’t feel, I will forget.
—Terri Guillemets
It’s personal
There is no timetable for grieving —
Grief is a snail
It’s a shooting star
A walk around the lake
It’s eternity
Or frost ’til bloom —
Memories coursing through the heart
It lasts as many heartbeats as it takes;
sometimes all of them.
—Terri Guillemets
A January day that lives forever
In my mind —
I’ve tried a million
times to go back
to that day —
tried to change
my choices
begged a do-over
from the universe
I’ve crippled myself with
guilt
sorrow
thrashing the quicksand
sinking in
layers of grief
fighting a sticky web
trapped in
regret-regret-regret
I don’t even care about
my own
broken heart
I’m sorry
I broke yours
—Terri Guillemets
Memories shiver
Why does cold weather refresh old griefs?
More quiet for reflection?
Longer nights to lie awake?
Like citrus, grief is a winter fruit.
—Terri Guillemets
Why we can’t let go
Regret is the glue that makes grief stick around for a lifetime.
—Terri Guillemets
Grief bores holes
Grief bores holes
in our hearts & heads
like a woodpecker
— peck peck peck
— knock knock knock
You can’t make it stop
Eventually it flies away
— but leaves pits
that never fully heal
—Terri Guillemets
Half-breaths
Grieving is being
at the bottom
of quicksand
trying to claw
my way up —
because I need to breathe
When you died, my
breath left with you
my lungs, my life —
filled with half-breaths
I’m thankful for your life
is all that gets me through
—Terri Guillemets
Holes & tears
Missing you isn’t just an empty void — it’s what-ifs and questions and endless thoughts and bittersweet memories and runaway feelings and emotions that can’t get a hold on anything physical so just slip and slide around my mind, and hide and re-emerge.
—Terri Guillemets
Cold is relative
When you’re shivering with loss, let love keep you warm with memories.
—Terri Guillemets
Inner self
G R i E F —
i feel so tiny inside
—Terri Guillemets
Transform
Loss — the great redefiner of life.
—Terri Guillemets
Weathering it
Grief cries and life shines on — and hope paints a rainbow.
—Terri Guillemets
Fragile
Grief is looking up
and seeing Never
at your window —
rapping on the pane
of your heart —
—Terri Guillemets
Stone-faced
Wailing, bearing flowers
and collapsing to her knees,
her hot tears fall upon me—
But I remain unmoved,
stone-faced, above it all—
her face etched with grief
and mine with the years,
weathered with past life—
Gently she touches my face
and presents me the flowers—
I’ve seen her cry many times
but it is my nature to be
rough and cold, grounded
in reality I know nothing else—
Still she keeps coming back to me
and though I cannot give her love
I will always guard hers.
—Terri Guillemets
Grief mends
Grief is a burden
but also a friend—
It is not grief that
wounds your heart
but it is grief that
heals your heart.
—Terri Guillemets
Sudden silence
The death of a loved one is a sudden silence — one of those deafening silences that leaves ringing in your ears.
—Terri Guillemets
Immeasurable
Even hundredfold grief is divisible by love.
—Terri Guillemets
Depths
Grief is a haunted lake that’s all too easy to drown in.
—Terri Guillemets